Fort Collins

I don't know if anyone even reads this thing anymore. It's been a long time since I've posted anything so I think it's time for an update. Especially since I moved to Fort Collins Nov. 11. Since them I've been having a great time meeting new folks and discovering some of the cool new things Fort Collins has to offer. So here's the Fort Collins Top 10 things Kenny has discovered since moving in no particular order:

10. I live in a cold house. 3 dudes living in a large house don't really have the desire to shell out the bucks for the extra degrees. Ladies be warned, wear a sweater if you come visit in the winter.

9. The box has a spot in the garage with a garage door opener and remote. This is a big adjustment for our relationship. In many ways I think it's similar to an old folks home for my car. I mean, after 20 years on the road, she deserves a nice warm, dry spot to fade away.

8. We have a 16 ft. Shuffleboard table, pool table, ping pong table, and fuse ball table.

7. I have cable TV for the first time in my life.

6. I can see Long's Peak on my drive to work.

5. Micro-brews are really cool here. Sorry PBR.

4. My previous roommate did not clean the bathroom for over a year.

3. No one who lives here is actually from Colorado. Well, at least a lot of the folks my age that I've met.

2. Biking is cool. Like really, really cool. I've never been in a town with more bike lanes. It's really pretty sweet.

1. I don't have to sort my recycling.

Images of Excess

A fascinating little video I saw on the internet today that brings up all kinds of questions and some compelling images.

The Story of a String

So I received this little jewel from a friend in email form this morning beside the warm glow of my computer screen. Enjoy...

"I'm eating cherries. Everytime I eat cherries, I think of you and your accident along a highway somewhere in Washington state. I've told your story various times.

Most recently, I told it go a group of people at work. We had just had a conversation about nipple piercing. One of my coworkers just had this done. Another one of my coworkers has a friend who had his nipple pierced, and afterward there was a little white thing coming out of the nipple. It was bothering him for a while so he decided to pull it off. But when he pulled on it, more came out, and more and more, until soon he had a 5" white stringy thing dangling from his nipple. So he decided to do what any logical person with a white string hanging from their nipple might do (why didn't he decide to go to the doctor at this point, we'll never know). He cut it off. When cut the little white string, which was apparently a nerve, he lost all bowel and bladder function instantaneously. In other words, he shit his pants. The good news is that it was a temporary problem, and rumor has it he doesn't need to wear diapers today."

SF Payette Boatercross

So I entered my first kayaking competition ever. It was a lot of fun and it was really good to challenge myself by doing it. Basically, it was a race down Staircase Rapid on the South Fork of the Payette River. A class IV section of whitewater. Here's how it worked. 4 boaters raced at the same time down the rapid and the top two of each heat advanced to the next round. My goals going in were 1) Not to swim out of any holes and 2) To make it to the second round. Well, I guess I was 1 for 2 because although I didn't swim out of any holes and I didn't make it to the second round. Can't wait to do something like this again.

Art

So I made a piece of art just because I wanted to and I surprised myself by actually liking it when I was done. So here it is. Maybe I'll write about the inspiration for it another time.

So...the last art class I took was in junior high...I put this together because I found myself wanting to make something and I was thinking a lot about art at the time. Those of you who know me, probably won't be surprised by this impulsive need I have to create something. Sometimes anything. This week I've been making bread. (It's really good by the way)

But I made this piece of art as a representation of some of the places my mind and heart have been this past year. I've found myself trying to order all the questions I sometimes have and all of the possible answers floating out there into a nice, neat orderly place. It's been exhausting. And I've been missing one very important part in the equation. It's not up to me to figure out all the right answers all at once, all right now, all before I continue to take steps of faith in my life. Before I continue to love God and others. Instead, I believe it's up to me to continue to walk in faith, trusting what I still know, and holding the questions I have before God with an open hand, and accepting that his love for me is much greater than any of the questions I might have on any given day. I guess I say that, because when I stepped back, I realized all along I haven't been questioning that God loves me. And I realized, that if I wasn't questioning that, there was no point in using a lot of my secondary questions as excuses to be, in general, a pretty self-consumed and not very fun person to be around.

Musical Promiscuity

A good friend of mine and I were talking a bit recently about break-ups and some of the reason's they suck and some of the things you learn. We both agreed that one of the worst things about a good break-up is the tainting of all the good music that you've enjoyed together. I mean really, our youth pastors should have let us in on the devastating effects of giving too many good songs away to spurious romances during all those abstinence talks we got growing up. Maybe musical and sexual abstinence aren't totally on the same level, but for real, can you imagine getting married and having no truly great songs left to share!

I want to come back...

So a friend of mine recently turned me on to a blog and radio talk show dude named Steve Brown. You may already know of him, but I didn't. So check him out if you want at here.

Here's a quote from his website that might get you interested.

I just can’t go there and be faithful to what I believe, experience and see in almost everyone. People who go down the path of obsessive obedience and faithfulness almost always hit a wall and go through horrible disappointment, darkness and pain. Once they’ve been there and failed…

…they often don’t come back.

I honestly believe in radical freedom that comes from God’s unconditional and unbelievable mercy and grace, and the imputation of Christ’s righteousness. That freedom sometimes offends others, sometimes it increases sin for a season, and sometimes it looks skewed and out of the box. But those who know it…

…always come back.

rest of story here

Turning off a light bulb for lent

Interesting article a friend of mine passed on.

http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/02/bishops-tell-ch.html

The Pages of my Bookshelf

Chick Magnet

Recently, a good friend of mine tried to convince me that I need to buy a new car. This happened after we(my car and I) were blindsided by the car demons with a three-pronged, attack consisting of a failing CV joint, broken exhaust pipe, and a bad starter or battery. For the record, I own a 1988, not too shiny but ever so faithful, Honda Civic Hatchback. It was as if he had been withholding his thoughts and waiting for the perfect opportunity to present them. Either way, in the midst of our conversation when I was faithfully and fervently defending my loyalty to my failing machine, the comment, "You know it's not much of a chick magnet." was made. Which I of course responded to by saying, "What are you talking about, there isn't a better chick magnet out there!" Realizing that the rest of the world might thing I'm crazy, I've decided to present the following reasons why my car is, indeed a chick magnet.

1. 40 miles per gallon - Translation - Here's a guy who cares about the environment. Which of course is all the rage these days. That's right ladies, there's more than just talk to this guy, there's fuel efficiency as well. Just think, if he cares about the environment, what would it be like if he cared about me. Talk is cheap.

2. It's cozy - Translation - Feel free to go for one of those slick guys who drive one of those oversized SUVs with gigantic cup holders, reclining lazy boy seats, and huge arm rests. But when it comes time to get close to your man, you're gonna need to do quite a lot of work. In my ride, close happens by default.

3. It's old - Translation - Cars are like houses. If you're one of those pick from six models, vinyl siding, sub-division type people you probably got the wrong guy. But if you're looking for that one of a kind, full of character, maybe with a few (or quite a few) quirks, old school house that screams there's only one like me. Then you've got the right guy here.

4. It's a bit ruff - Translation - It needs a ladies touch. Let's face it girls, get in one of those ever so shiny new cars, and all the details are already ironed out. Where's the fun in that.

5. Ok, it's 20 years old - Translation - It's got experience. You can go out with one of those acne induced, pubescent cars, or you can go out with a car that's had some time to mature. You know, time to work out the kinks, really figure out what he wants, choose some direction in life, and really knows how to treat a lady.

6. Small Engine - Translation - This cars made to go the distance. Nice and steady. No fear of quick burnouts like those other rides that initially jerk your head back, and appear to have the ability to really wow you until it is clear that they have given you their very best in under 6 seconds.

7. And finally, no translation needed, it's gotta be love if she's going out with me in that thing, cause I admit it's probably not scoring me any points.

Wandering highlights

Over the last 5 weeks I’ve been on quite a journey. I got to spend 2 weeks at L’Abri in Minnesota, be home for Christmas, and spend some time at the Navigator headquarters in Colorado Springs. Here’s a list of the Top 10 things I learned along the way, in no particular order.

1. “Minnesota Nice” is real. Apparently drivers smile and wave at you even if you cut them off very blatantly.
2. Move over cross stitch, knitting is cool. I made a scarf, a hat, and am now making another scarf and hat. Please feel free to just get it over with and make fun of me at this point.
3. Lake Erie Steelhead season is in the middle of the winter. I actually caught one of the behemoths that was 23 inches. Special thanks to Troutslayer for outfitting me.
4. I cannot sing. Proven by my spectacularly awful performance playing Rock Band on Xbox 360.
5. A true cup of tea involves PG Tips, milk, and sugar. Special thanks to Jock McGregor.
6. Pittsburgh has lots of very cool old buildings with lots of character and a sunny day means it’s not raining.
7. Pajama suits are back in style, at least in my head.
8. How to make a pie crust from scratch
   
9. I like music by Griffin House, The National, Band of Horses, and Brett Dennen
10. Flight of the Concords is rather funny. Check out youtube

Today I'm trying to clean up my room but really procrastinating. I left it in quite a mess...

When the finish line becomes the starting line

I can't remember where, but recently I was reading something written by Brian McLaren on living the Christian life. He was comparing it to running a race. Recently, thanks to my "I'm Not 40 yet" workout plan, I've been spending a bit more time running on my own as well. So some of these next thoughts come from a recent run I took and a book a read.

Recently, I went out to run on the greenbelt next to my house. It was dark, cold, and had started to snow. The clouds were reflecting the glow of the city. I think this is a perfect time for running. For some reason I seem to like running more when it's the weather is doing something. Anyways, I started my run with the goal of running six miles. That is the farthest distance I have run since I destroyed my self and pride in a half-marathon about 4 years ago. So with my iPod blaring I started off running. In the beginning I was excited to get going, inspired to run farther, all pumped up because I was going to accomplish something. Miles 1-3 went by fairly smoothly. I was running because of the potential and because I was inspired.

After that, things started to get a bit harder. My legs started to get tired and my body/mind was starting to manipulate my will. "What are you doing?" it said, "You're fine. You've already run farther than you need to at this point, is six miles really that important to you? Just turn around now and you can enjoy your success. There's not point to continuing to push yourself. Don't you think six miles was a bit excessive? I mean come on, it'll be fine if you just stop here. It's not like anybody but you cares about this goal you've set for yourself."

But somehow, I just kept things going. I think music helps to drown out those voices in my head when I'm running. So miles 4 and 5 were more of a slogfest. I wasn't going very fast. And I really just wanted to turn around. At this point I just started thinking about the end. I was fixated on finding relief from the pain in my legs and relief from the endless mental assault going on in my head. All I could think about with each and every step was stopping. I was running just to get to the end.

Around the end of mile 5 though, I began to run for a different reason. My mind wasn't trying to defeat my will anymore. My body experienced a renewal of energy. The distance I had already come was so much greater than the distance I had left to go. Once I realized I was going to finish, I began to enjoy running. I could move past the pain in my legs much easier. I ran because I knew the hard part was over.

At the end of mile 6 a funny thing happened. I was enjoying running so much that I just ran straight past the finish line. I didn't even slow down. "What the heck do you think you're doing?!" screamed my head. "Running," I said "Isn't that the point?" I was now running because I could.

I ended up running 8 miles that night and afterwards I was left thinking about some pretty strong parallels between the way I ran that night, and the way I pursue my faith. You see many times I feel like I am living just to get to the end. Just to get to heaven some might say or in reality just to get to some different place in my life where things aren't quite as hard and life is fun again(or just plain easier). When I'm running this way, the joy in my life quickly disappears. Living for anything but relief becomes drudgery because I'm fixated on how hard things are and keep entertaining the temptations that keep boiling up in my head to just give up on whatever it is I'm struggling to pursue. I begin to think that the point of life or a specific hardship is to just get to the end. I can no longer enjoy the race. I can no longer love life or anyone in my life.

Just as running guarantees pain, love guarantees sacrifice. Many, many times I begin to wish that I could run without feeling the pain. I also begin to wish I could love God and others without making any sacrifices.

What if I began to see my life not as an opportunity to just get to the finish line. Because in that mindset I try to love as few people as possible without totally giving up on the race I'm running. What if I began to see my life as an opportunity to love as many people as possible. To run as hard as I could. Because the point was to run, to run for the joy of it, not because I had to, or because anyone else thought I should, but because I could. Because the point of life was to run the race; not just get to the end.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

If I get to the end someday, I have a sneaking suspicion that I will have only crossed the starting line.

Jayber Crow

I'm about to finish a book called Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry. Here's a page or so from it that I've been mulling over since I started it.

Jayber Crow is at seminary in this part of the story:

And so finally, late one afternoon, I went to the professor I was afraid to go to, old Dr. Ardmire. I was afraid to go to him because I knew he would tell me the truth.....

I knocked at his open door and waited until he read to a stopping place and looked up from his book.
"Come in , Mr. J. Crow" He didn't like it that I went by my initial.

I went in.
He said, "Have a seat, please."
I sat down.
Customarily, when I came to see him I would be bringing work that he had required me to talk with him about. That day I was empty-handed.
Seeing that I was, he said, "What have you got in mind?"
"Well," I said, "I've got a lot of questions."
He said, "Perhaps you would like to say what they are?"
"Well, for instance," I said, "if Jesus said for us to love our enemies-- and He did say that, didn't He?--how can it ever be right to kill our enemies? And if He said not to pray in public, how come we're all the time praying in public? And if Jesus' own prayer in the garden wasn't granted, what is there for us to pray, except 'thy will be done,' which there's no use in praying because it will be done anyhow?"
I sort of ran down. He didn't say anything. He was looking straight at me. Adn then I realized that he wasn't looking at me the way he usually did. I seemed to see way back in his eyes a little gleam of light. It was a light of kindness and (as I now think) of amusement.
He said, "Have you anymore?"
"Well, for instance," I said, for it had just occurred to me, "suppose you prayed for something and you got it, how do you know how you got it? How do you know you didn't get it because you were going to get it whether you prayed for it or not? So how do you know it does any good to pray? You woudl need proof, wouldn't you?
He nodded.
"But there's no way to get any proof."
He shook his head. We looked at each other.
He said, "Do you have any answers?"
"No," I said. I was concentrating so hard, looking at him, you could have nailed my foot to the floor and I wouldn't have felt it.
"So," I said, "I reckon what it all comes down to is, how can I preach if I don't have any answers?"
"Yes, Mr. Crow," he said. "How can you?" he was not one of your frying-sized chickens.
"I don't believe I can," I said, and I felt my skin turn cold, for I had not even thought that until then.
He said, "No, I don't believe you can." And we sate there and looked at each other again while he waited for me to see the nextg thing, so he wouldnt' have to tell me: I oughtn't to waste any time resigning my scholarship and leaving Pigeonville. I saw it soon enough.
I said, "Well," for now I was ashamed, "I had this feeling maybe I had been called."
"And you may have been right. But not to what you thought. Not to what you think. You have been given questions to which you cannot be given answers. You will have to live them out -- perhaps a little at a time."
"And how long is that going to take?"
"I don't know. As long as you live, perhaps."
"That could be a long time."
"I will tell you a further mystery," he said. "It may take longer."
He held out his hand to me and I shook it. As I started to leave, it came to me that of all the teachers I'd had in school he was the kindest, and I turned around. I was going to thank him, but he had gone back to his book.

Diametric Faces of God

“These days I own a Dellapple”

And He said to him, "'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.”

How is it that two people can walk into a church and have such drastically different experiences? One person finds a life giving, inspiring, and inviting group of people that immediately enables them to relax and breather a little easier. They smile and energetically engage the people and place that they have just entered. The other person immediately puts up their guard, full of suspicion and critique. Not able to accept that the motives of these “nice” people can truly be real and sincere.

What do you do when you realize you are both of those people at the same time? Is that possible? When you see, that you are someone who finds identity and purpose in this community in which you have spent most of your life. Yet at the same time, you are someone who somewhere along the way has become cynical, wounded, and distrusting of the very community that you used to find life in.

I am that person and I am confused.

The threads of this “Christian” experience, both good and bad, have been woven so intricately into the fabric of my life, that I can no longer separate them without destroying the entire garment.

These days it seems like I have two gods’ I’m trying to worship and follow and I don’t know which one is real anymore. It’s like trying to please Bill Gates and Steve Jobs at the same time. One god is the god of tradition, of conservatism (whatever that means), and the god of the four spiritual laws. This god provides right principles, a bastion of safety amongst a crooked and depraved generation, and a systematic theology. This is the god that sees homosexuality and abortion as the ultimate assault on the purity of the Church and morality. This god is definitely a He.

As much as I tend to see things from this first god’s point of view, this god makes no sense to the other god I’m trying to follow. The god that values humanity, cares about things like social justice, the environment, the poor, and sees constrains to the love of God when faced with choices between red and blue. This god also makes no sense to my first god. To my first god, this god seems fickle and “blown by the wind.” Infected with new age ideas and gender confused. This god is he, she, both, and none of the above.

In an odd way I find myself reflecting on Matthew 6:24. “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other.” What if I have been tormenting over a choice I was never expected to make? I am beginning to think more and more these days that this struggle has been a war between lesser gods; one that has left my heart and mind bloodied as its battlefield.

More and more I know longer care if I’ve found the perfect face of God, because more and more my hope is in the scandalous love of a God that many days appears as absurd as the Dellapple I’m writing on. I may be confused about many things, but I am becoming more and more sure of one thing.

Sorry if you wanted to read something a little more lighthearted. You might check out this video instead "Baby got Book"

I'm not 40 yet:

I recently "discovered" a brand new workout plan unlike any other. It's called the I'm not 40 yet workout routine. This is how it works. Look in the mirror at yourself. Tell yourself, "Self, you're not 40 yet." Then ask yourself, "Self, why am I working out like I'm 40?" When the Self tells you it's because you're lazy and working out takes work (hence the name), not just 2 half-hearted jogs a weak, take the following steps:

Thank Self.
Get pissed.
Go actually workout.

This blog makes no attempt to discriminate based upon age. If you are over 40, all is not lost. Simply, replace 40 with a motivating number of your choosing.

Thank You David Crowder Band

Life makes it so hard sometimes
To know what's real
When I can't feel You there
When I can't see You there
When I can't comprehend that
You are there

You are there
You're everywhere
You are everywhere

Lyrics by David Crowder Band

I am enjoying my new CD today

Banff, Beer, and Dollars

I got to visit Banff, Canada recently for the NOLS Wilderness Risk Management Conference. It was a great time and that's where the picture above is from. I didn't get to do much exploring, but I didn't have to go far either to be surrounded by some spectacular scenery. I already want to go back and go backpacking or something.

A couple of things I found out while I was there:
12 cans of Budweiser cost approximately $24.
In case you didn't know the Canadian dollar is actually stronger than the U.S. dollar now.
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police don't ride horses any more, they drive patrol cars. I liked all the Canadians I met.
If you get pulled over for going 50km over the speed limit, the police can take your plates off your car and put you in jail immediately. (I did not have this experience)

Snow in the City

From City of Rocks

I went to the City of Rocks recently to do some climbing. It was a wonderful trip. Here's a picture I took when we woke up and had 4 inches of snow on the ground.

Blown by the Wind

I spent an evening recently reading The Great Evangelical Disaster by Francis Schaeffer. The following quote gives you a fairly good idea of what the book is about.

"And if we hold this world view [a world view based upon the idea that the final reality is impersonal matter or energy shaped into its present form by impersonal chance] we live in a universe that is ultimately silent, with no meaning and purpose, with no basis for law and morality, with no concept of what it means to be human and of the value of human life. All is relative and arbitrary. And so modern man is left with nothing to fill the void but hedonism or materialism or whatever other "ism" may be blowing in the wind."
(Francis A. Schaeffer, The Great Evangelical Disaster, Ch. 1)

More quotes from the book: here

One quote especially has stuck in my mind.

"Truth demands confrontation. It must be loving confrontation, but there must be confrontation nonetheless."

This one has been sitting in my head for a few days now. I'm wrestling with it as I try to formulate what I really think about it. These days it seems as if I'm constantly trying to balance on a small tightrope between two extremes: Truth without Love(characterized by self-righteousness, which I can't stand) and Love without Truth(characterized by accommodation, which is many times motivated by my fear of confrontation and offending). Embracing either extreme brings forth neither Love or Truth. My tendency is to wish Jesus would have just accommodated once and a while. But I really don't think he did.

Tight Calves, Loose Glutes, and a Weak Lower Back

After a year at the Idaho Athletic Club I recently received a call from Melissa, a personal trainer, informing me that I'm still eligible for a free physical consultation as part of my gym membership.

Of course I went. I stood on a scale, measured my body fat percentage, and did a squat with my arms raised above my heads while she walked around looking at my form. Which I felt like a total bafoon doing. The results: 15.5 % Body Fat. 185 lbs. My lower back has a very poor arch and I have very tight calves and hamstrings as well as lats. Since these muscles aren't relaxed, they're compensating and creating poor posture. Which means that my glutes are simply looking pretty instead of doing anything to really support my body like they should be.

Oh yeah, and I was offered four personal training sessions to help me achieve my physical goals for a very reasonable rate of $299. And I was told that it is extremely important to have a multi-vitamin. Those cost $20 for 50 vitamins that you take twice a day. "Uhm, yeah...I'll pass on those."

I think a guy like me kind of befuddles a personal trainer when I say I'm simply interested in going to the gym 3-5 times a week, and I just want to have a simple workout routine that will help me stay in shape. I don't want to record calories. Instead, I just want to know generally how much to eat. I don't want to record my weight. Instead, I just want to jump up and down naked in front of the mirror and make sure most of my body doesn't move.